Kuch Dil Ke Kareeb...

Jaane kya mujhse zamaana chahta hai,
Mera dil todkar mujhe hasana chahta hai,
Jaane kya baat chalakti hai mere chehre se,
Har shaks mujhe aazmaana chahta hai..

Mutation..

Why is a change always so difficult!? When I was a student I had this one seminar that I attended and one of the activities in that seminar required the participants to come out of their comfort zones. It was a difficult exercise…but that is when I learnt that theres something called a comfort zone for each person under each situation. But what exactly is the comfort zone!?? Somethings that seem totally impossible in the beginning become quite easy once attained…and tend to become our comfort zones once we reach them. As has been experienced by me on more occasions than one…that nothing in this real world is amaranthine except for change itself…and still a change is so difficult always…painful at times and fatal for some who cant understand this simple dogma of life.
Its so simple and easy to write things down…why cant the reality be as simple as that…a friend of mine once wrote to me…”most of our difficulties are becuz our expectations are not met…to end your problems… either change your expectations or accept the reality.” The scope of the doctrine called LIFE… but one single thing that every sane human thrives for is…to lead a happy and satisfied life…SATIATED…is what every soul wants to be at the end of it all…at the end of all the toil…
I think of times when I really was satiated but without knowing that… was looking for every other thing in this world… and now that I know what I have lost… I still wonder…what I lost and what I gained…
Sometimes I cry thinking of the things I have lost… and life ahead seems so really impossible without those lost ones… and then I sit and think why cant life jus be the way it is now …forever…!!?? Why do things really have to change… and sometimes I feel why is there time enough to even think about the change…sometimes I feel I am strong enough to face every situation and every change that life throws on me…and then again sometimes I feel I don have strength enough to stand and face that change that’s coming my way…I look at it approaching me and try to run away from it…faster than it…so that it cant catch me… so that I don’t have to face it…
Change is difficult to face…easy to write about…and…forget it…
Change is unchangeable…gotto live with it… :)

A Dash of Spice..

Writing about something freakish that’s been happening with me lately… dunno if I should connect it to the various things or not…but somethings been disturbing me and I jus feel peace bloggin it down…last week was an eventful week…started with a long weekend as I was down with some food poisoning…so bunked office for a couple of days…and then…had a pre wedding treat with our old satyam gang…(no not mine…and treats are always fun wen yu r not d one paying for it.. :)) and it was much fun 2 be back the memory lane…meetin our old gang and flirting wid d old stories.. :)
Sunday the usual routine of church and other stuff…and shopping as well…and wen I was back @ home…well that’s wen I remembered that I had a hell load of pending work from office which needed to be done…then wat!!?? Slept at abt 3 to finish such damn boring chores… :( I hate codes…let them be in any language or script…they are so ediotic…I mean c’mon GOD only knows why such simple things are implemented using such long codes…now for instance in my next project one module is about adding a new code alphabet to some dumb stuff…now that will hardly take 15 minutes of coding for some person who understands the language the code has been written in…(and may be even in 15 yrs you wil not understand a word of it if yu don’t know the dumb language...sorry the language I work on is not searchable with google also…so no help available online as well…well am blessed.. :))but for this dumb thing…we have a spec doc of 5 pages….an Functional Doc of 6-8 pages and a TD of God knows how many pages….c’mon guys isn’t that useless….wastage of money/energy/resources/time…almost everything…huh.
Forget it…that’s the work part…so the week starts with a lot of new work assignments…and believe me I neva felt so stressed with work ever in my 3 yrs IT life…k fine…am not saying anything more abt my work…that’s boring…and irritating..
Everything was fine…was havin a good time at everything…and a minor accident happened…nw accidents are something irritating… I mean yu get hurt and all…and then you have to take some dumb painful injections…and huh…wait for all your wounds to heal…Thank GOD it wasn’t a big one…but I was jus thinkin of the mishap…I mean I dunno how the vehicle jus fell…there was nothing that cud have gone wrong…but as they say…may be it was jus meant to happen…
So now what am I tryin 2 prove writin all this stuff which cud be boring for anyone to read….sometimes somethings happen which we feel cud have no significance in our present or future….and may be somethings hit you back jus when you thought they cud never occur…and sometimes…you don really care whatever happens…you jus flow with life minding nothing, expecting nothing and still you lack nothing…I am jus somehow happy… I mean theres nothing great happenin @ work or life…and still I feel like being blessed with oodles of patience and spirit….a dash of spice…fills me and keeps me going…

Here I am...

Here I am…this is me…is this really me!??
Thinking of somethings that are beyond my scope of understanding….somethings that I jus don’t have any control over…I mean…ok fine, picture this scenario to get a better understanding of wat am blabbering….
I am a born dreamer…as a child I dreamt of something..and as I grew I came to the realization that things in dreams are not real…people kept saying…dream high to achieve high…my dreams were not so high that cud have been insurmountable…and…what did I gain??! So now I stopped dreaming and started living life with whatever it had to offer…dunno if everything it offered was good or bad…actually now kind of lost…now I don’t even know whats good or bad…but still do I dream?
I know all of us at times are lost…lost in thought or spaces in time…the albatross called LIFE becomes arduous…even if not arduous…may be bewildered with the very existence of itself…and still we spin out our journey…kissing off all that we were searching for in those lost spaces in time…
Some say believe in DESTINY…and I do so…I trust that things happen for a reason…and all that happens was jus meant to be that way…you don really play a part in creating one…you jus play your part of having one… then where does all the drudgery of this real world come from? I mean when all’s written as they say…then why worry!?? But remember nothing comes to pass until you play YOUR part… and is there a wrong or right in playing parts?? May be!!?? I don’t know…but all I know is that…its all written…may be on stars…may be in our hands…may be in some books…may be in some scripts…but still do I believe in DESTINY…
We keep meeting different people at different spaces in time…some we jus don’t remember talking to even…and some we jus cant take out of our thoughts…and some who become a way of our lives…or may be even a reason for us to live…its bliss to be in LOVE…or to be loved…I do not know how different it is…but in this real world…the latter is better…cuz the former does not always reach its destination…if it does..thats the best reward that a LIFE can get…that’s Life fulfilled…in all its ubiquity…
K lemme come back to my post…I dunno why I started writing this post today…I wanted to write for a long time…just embarking by collecting my random thoughts…myriad perceptions…And Here I am…
Been long since I last wrote…and I dunno why its so humdrum for me these days to keep going back in time…I know its all beyond my scope (to make things right..) but then its beyond my scope (to stop thinking of things gone by..)..thats pain…you are brooking something knowing its vain…and still this pain ceases to cease.. And Here I am… :)

Comin Back To LIFE...

"Coming Back To Life"

Where were you when I was burned and broken

While the days slipped by from my window watching

Where were you when I was hurt and helpless

Because the things you say and the things you do surround me

While you were hanging yourself on someone else's words

Dying to believe in what you heard

I was staring straight into the shining sun

Lost in thought and lost in time

While the seeds of life and the seeds of change were planted

Outside the rain fell dark and slow

While I pondered on this dangerous but irresistible pastime

I took a heavenly ride through our silence

I knew the moment had arrived

For killing the past and coming back to life

I took a heavenly ride through our silence

I knew the waiting had begun

And headed straight..into the shining sun

This is one song that touched me once…and then again and again and again…it keeps touching me in different ways..and bringing me back to LIFE..

One of my most loved Pink Floyd songs ever…I love this song for all that it is…I mean the lyrics, the music, the beats…jus everything is ultimate…one of its kind…one of any kind actually… This song has been interpreted in different ways through out… and am so sure each has a reality bit associated with it… am so sure each of us can relate to some or the whole part of the song… as for me… well I have had different interpretations of the song myself…depending on what I am going thru at that moment… but whatever it may sound…one things for sure…this is one song that really brings you back to life…

Where were you when I was burned and broken

While the days slipped by from my window watching

Where were you when I was hurt and helpless

Because the things you say and the things you do surround me
This is so true when someone whom you really trusted and cherished…betrays you… leaves you betwixt your own…when you most needed that person… this is a marooned space…where the existence of your present is non existent…still enslaved to the things and times gone by…

While you were hanging yourself on someone else's words

Dying to believe in what you heard

I was staring straight into the shining sun
To me this is the pain or the real emotion of the song… staring straight into the shining sun… this is the truth that brings us to the asperity of the real world… experiencing and living with the truth… doing away with illusions and assumptions…that is what is the content for life..

Lost in thought and lost in time

While the seeds of life and the seeds of change were planted
Ya this again is the revival planted in you by the asperity of this real world… while you are so lost in the loss you suffered…this real world keeps bringing you back to the things and contents that matter…urging you to continue… your ball-buster part in this real world…when nothing..not even time matters to you..

Outside the rain fell dark and slow

While I pondered on this dangerous but irresistible pastime
Everything outside your own world is so normal and unperturbed…when you are still counting your strings attached to the space and time in past…

I took a heavenly ride through our silence

I knew the moment had arrived

For killing the past and coming back to life
And this is the asperity of the song…this is what brings us back to life…everything in life ends…changes…and there are certain things that give us a lot of pain when they end…it is for us to know when things are over…especially relationships…and to let them go…you need time… you need your own space…to make realizations work for yourself…and then you are gonna kill the past and be alive..

And headed straight..into the shining sun
LIFE GOES ON…NO MATTER WHAT… LIVE AND STAY ALIVE..

Biking with Viewtyy... :)

I know you don get head or tail of what the title suggests...its just an exaggerated version of making something sound extremely good....but this one really is.. i mean atleast for me this experience was something memorable...cudnt hav got a space in my blog else... :)

so read on...may be yu will feel the nerve with me as i write of this experience..

hmmm...k clarifications regarding the title...well i got a new cell phone...as the old one conked completely...and this new ones called VIEWTY...ya thats the name...sounds amazing na...i know...even i am impressed with it as much as i can be.. :)

its a real beauty..ultra sleek looks...amazingly stylish...superbb touchscreen...ultra hott piece to possess....ahem ahem...the price is ultra hot as well.. but does that matter so much when yu have so much more for yourself !!?? well def not for me.. :)

haan so here i have this ultra hot cell phone with me...one of the hottest selling in the market at present...and am soooo elated with this one...but whats with the biking stuff prefixed with the viewty in my title!?? haan so lemme tell yu how it gets connected..

i have this friend of mine whos been a gadget freak...and an amazing racer...racer of bikes....thats how he had depicted himself when i had seen him first in office...some freaky guy with long straightened hair...all d hip-hop ringtones on d mobile...an amazingly expensive mobile flashing in his hands...and loads of attitude..(dunno in the right direction or not...but ya this guy has ATTITUDE).. so definitely you cant expect him to answer you straight when you ask him something.. well and thats what he did.. ATTITUDE you see....i think am using this word too much...actually i feel when people cant really express another person's behaviour or may be feel the other person is superior in some way or the other....cant be impressed definitely by you, given the innocent soul that you are...you jus mark that person as having an ATTITUDE.. :)

ok lets not deviate from d intended post...ya so this guy finally gets to talk to me...me ofcourse being one of the most popular people in the office..he he he..everyone gets to know me...my name...my work...my age...my religion...my place of stay...my home town...etc etc...so am not really bothered if some new person whom i have never seen in my life comes and says "hi pretty" to me...so anyways...we spoke and had a bunch of common frnds and started having a gala time in office...sitting on bench...passing our times with every rubbish possible in office...spending almost all the time in cafeteria...or...reading forwarded mails...or jus sitting in the pantry and commenting about the screwed Satyam System..those were good days...but alas we spent them getting frustu...thanks to all d IT industry omen associated with being on bench..

ok so...ya all i knew about this guy is that hes very very interested in bikes...and keeps modifying some or the other part of his bike...but i was not sure of his passion for speed...until i biked with him on his apache...and i must say...hes jus too good a rider...i mean i have seen this kind of biking only on tv...

ok so thats the justification part for my title...biking with viewty...i went with my friend on his bike to buy viewty and it was an amazing expereince biking with the new viewty...and amazing biking capabilities... :)

i have been on bikes with so many of my friends...and even i have driven bikes myself....but what i saw with this friend was something i have never imagined myself doing....biking at a speed of 100 KMPS...on a totally traffic packed road on a weekend evening in a metro like chennai …this is one experience that’s gonna give me the chills everytime am even gonna think about…

K so after we bought my ultra mod piece of cake… he jus cudnt stop from speeding up on our way back home…ya may be its difficult for bikers to drive at normal human speeds when they believe they can drive so much faster…doesn’t really matter if they can actually scare every other normal person on road to death when they vroom past them with their extra super biking qualities.. So this one biker with me was an addition to the super elite club of bikers and I had no ideas about his super duper biking abilities. And when the bike sped up to 100 KMPS…I really dint think it was sucha big deal….after all everyone enjoys speeding up on a sleek and sexy bike….but I started getting the chills when I realized that it was serious “BIKING” and not jus enjoyment…. It was ok if the bike was jus speeding up…it became worse when I saw that the bike was actually making its way from between such heavy vehicles…where there was no place for even a single person to stand… may be that’s what they call thrilling…how to make your way out of places where others cant even get in….and then there were times when we will have to stop cuz of a traffic signal…and this amazing thing which my frnd rides…comes down from 100 to 0 KMPS in less than 5 secs…could you jus believe it…you don’t even apply breaks…or may be you do apply some special kind of breaks which do not let you fall abruptly…but you actually come to a halt…ok and when the signal turns green!!?? Don even ask…whos got time to stop when the signal has already turned green!!?? And if its bikers…well you don’t really have to even think…they will not stop even if jesus’s second coming is happening…immediately after the signal turns green this guy started speeding up as if some firestorm is following us…and things became worse when really a firerstorm started following us….not really a firestorm but something worse than that…we vroomed past some dumb biker…dint have any idea that he could be a biker himself…and what comes next!!?? This biker vrooms past us…provoking a rather decent biker to race with him…and will some attitude guy stop for nuts!!?? Huh and final conclusion!!?? I became the victim…as these 2 bikes kept vrooming at speeds that the speedometer could no longer keep track of…I was most scared of the moments when these 2 bikers were abreast….i jus cudnt stop imagining the other one thrashing us down at the slightest move…I mean when 2 highly fast moving things are speeding up so close to each other…not allowing the other to get ahead of one…well anything could happen…one moment we could be speeding ahead of him…and the other…may be …not even existing…it was all a game of speed and coordination…as for me….it was more of coordinating to keep my eyes closed rather to witness my own end….finally I jus cudnt take it and I started screaming…stop the bike…am scared.. :(
After shouting some 100 times….my friend finally let the other weirdo win…and I know how difficult it is for a super duper biker to allow the other one to win…but I was helpless…it was jus tooo tooo much for me…it was sweet enuff of my friend to ask me if I was feeling ok!!?? Well after all the SUPER DUPER THRILL for the day…I was feeling much better than just “OK”…but trust me it was fun…though little scary…but I thoroughly enjoyed it…am not sure if I will ever be a part of this crazy racing thing again…but if I am…am definitely gonna have major fun… :)

Satyamotsav '08...

Satyamotsav...the name that has a lot of significance for me...known and unknown...revealed and hidden...true and assumed...whatever yu may call it...but this was important to me...i still remember the first ever satyamotsav that i could have been a part of, being a satyamite...will tell you later why i jus couldnt make it...first lemme tell yu non satyamites, what exactly satyamotsav is...its the annual (Ahem...supposed to be annual...but i dunno if it really is annual now...they jus keep celebrating it whenever they feel like it...or may be whenever they have the necessary funds...or may be when the associates make too much noise about the satyam fun@work concept.. :)) ya ok so it’s the annual union of all satyamites all over India.. again am sorry am not sure if theres a concept of satyamotsav outside India as well..hmm…so satyamotsav is that time of the year where all satyamites…working in all cities, facilities, client locations..etc etc.. come together and have fun together..may be even meet each other which they might not do usually owing to their busy schedules…so ya i understand that you got the concept of satyamotsav…
Well to me satyamotsav was all this and much more…I cudnt be a part of satyamotsav in 2006…owing to some dumb reasons…and actually one of my very gud friends in those days was out of town that time and I jus dint feel like going for an utsav without him…as being so new to satyam Chennai…I hardly had any gud friends to actually enjoy or have fun with.. and that could have been a start of some significant chapters in my life… and may be it was also…but anyways…those are not the things I am writing this post for..
Satyamotsav 2008 was one opportunity I jus dint want to let go…I am not a part of satyam now…but man…I still am so stuck to satyam…I still don’t feel am anything different from satyam at all…anyways…jus 2 days after I resign is the auspicious day of the utsav…and so I am definitely going for it…cuz there mite not be another satyamotsav that I might witness…
Now the biggest challenge was to arrange for a ID card for me as I am no more a Satyamite…and there starts the game of asking every girl casually…r yu going for the satyamotsav this year… :) girls and usually as the dumber they can get…usually undecided till the end moment…depending upon I dunno whattt!! Somehow I manage to get this one lady’s ID…now I don look anywhere like that lady ok…but ya who cares…I mean I have an ID card swinging around my neck…and that’s enuff to let others know am a satyamite..
So I go for this much awaited much significant utsav….and as the much popular figure that I am…well I cudnt be left unnoticed…and there it was…with loads of people asking me the same thing…hey babes…how come yu r here!!??…c’mon man…I served satyam for almost 3 years!!! Don’t I deserve one utsav!?? So what if I have resigned satyam…and satyamotsav is a festival only for satyamites..!!??
OK OK…so all this bally hoo about rubbish…finally what about my experience at the great awaited Satyamotsav…man….except for the popularity part…everything else was decently avoidable…I mean except for the joy of people coming and asking me and esp guys coming and saying ohh yu r looking pretty…and stuff like that…everything else in the utsav was…I don wanna use fowl language…but ya everything else was jus not utsav types…I mean this could have been the worst behaviour I would have expected from “CORPORATES”…of a CMM LEVEL 5 company…I dunno on what basis they let these standards stay.. :(
It could have definitely been better with some decent shows to be put on…but alas…there was jus nothing enjoyable…ok so lets jus go for the food atleast…hav some stomach filling dinner and get back home safely…is that what my friends thought…!!?? Well dinner was the most unruly part of the evening…I mean it much looked like they were serving food for people in jail….rather people in jail will behave more decently I believe….on the sight of food people…”CORPORATES” and their elite CORPORATE families just pounded over it as if they have never seen dinner in their whole seven lives….or may be like they have been starved for generations for this one night’s dinner…even before the poor servers could open the packets of fruits…it was well torn like a box damaged by bomb explosion…and so as you can guess…my excitement of dinner was also over….jus wanted to get back home… :(
Anyways…it was good meeting all my fellow satyamites one last time…may be I will never be a satyamite ever in life again…and I jus dint want 2 miss this one last chance of being one… on my way back…I jus cudnt stop myself from going back in time….remembering memories good and forgettable…lost I was in those days…and how much I wished I could turn back time…and hold it in the space gone by….i wished to cry..to laugh..or may be jus to be back…and as it is…nothing returns…LIFE GOES ON…and so does its strings…